I apologise for the delay, this post is a little late. I had a bit of rough two weeks, so I thought today I would side-track from my back story in order to deliver a quick rant to you all; enjoy.
CW: anxiety/panic attacks.
I’ve had some issues with my very own ‘nightmare neighbour’. I have literally not slept very well for a month, which for an insomniac is hellish. The non-stop partying, and influx of new men every night whilst she housed a 16 year old girl was frankly: disturbing. Every single night, for a month, I’ve been subjected to what sounded like college ‘frat’ girls making amateur porn. I tried every angle to get them to quieten down in the end, I tried to be their friend, I tried to tell them off like children, I then lodged a complaint with my housing association and environmental health… Nothing had even the slightest effect on them. It got to the point where I was having anxiety attacks every night. I was having rage blackouts every night. I wasn’t coping. So other than going up and assaulting them, the only option was to call the police and beg them to come out and speak to them. Around ten calls later, they still didn’t stop. I finally came up with the idea to refer the young girl to social services, I mean, what she was doin was hardly safe, right? Social came, and she wet home at long last. Only now my neighbour has found new lodgers… Luckily they’re more tolerable than the child, but the issue is ongoing. It’s had such an effect on my mental health, that I’m now in the process of trying to move. I mean, it’s not just that, it’s an accumulation of things. Not only do I have a nightmare neighbour, my property is old, it uses storage heaters (which haven’t worked for 3 months) which they now want to replace with central heating. Great, I hear you say? Well it would be if they weren’t putting the boiler in my bedroom. I have such an issue with sleeping, the last thing I want in my bedroom is a boiler. Then they want to replace the outdated, nicotine stained kitchen. Great, I hear you say? Well it would be if my anxiety wasn’t so horrifically triggered by the thought of people coming in and out of my property, touching my things. It’s a block of flats, so I struggle to even take the bin out because, when does an agoraphobic person want to socialie with random people? It’s just got to the point now where, all the cons outweigh any of the pros. So it’s safe to say I’ve not been in the best of places emotionally.
We then have the evil stepmother, at her finest. As said previously, I haven’t spoke to this woman in 3 years. I made a brand new Twitter, in no way associated with her Twitter, specifically for mental health advocacy and my blog. She somehow found my new Twitter. I only know this because she has then proceeded to read my blog, leaving a comment on “the evil stepmother”, using the name ‘Laura’. The comment read and I quote “truthon Twitter @lj_daniels18”. So let me just explain. The most recent tweet(s) on this account is a thread about her. I was fuelled with rage because as per usual she’s been posting indirect posts about me publicly on Facebook. Her favourite posts usually infer I am a narcissist and a sociopath. The image read along the lines of “Narcissits have no emotion blah blah fucking blah”. Of course that is highly amusing to me given the nature of EUPD is extreme mood intensity! But I also felt intense anger. This woman claims she is an empath, and wants to fight the stigma of mental health, yet belittles my disorder and just says I’m a sociopath. Who, in their right mind, can sit and speak out about mental health, yet have no willingness to understand my disorder? You don’t have to like me, but I have never once claimed you’re anything bad because of the disorders you have. I admit, I feel she is a narcissist herself (more shall follow) but not because of her misophonia, or her anxiety etc. I will never belittle her for her mental health. I went on to rant about how she believes she’s really hard done by, and the world owes her something when it doesn’t, and she can’t call herself an empath whe she will support everyone’s struggle but mine. Her attempt to “expose” me as this really evil person (like I mentioned in the previous post) didn’t work because I know what I said and I know why. Now however, (and here’s why I feel she is a narcissist) she’s posting certain posts publicly claiming “Narcissists will always think your posts about them”. But only certain posts are public. The only public posts are the ones referring to me as a sociopath, or evil, or as her abuser. Of course, I’m the crazy paranoid one, it’s not so blatantly obvious these posts are aimed at me. She hasn’t had a friend outside of her computer since she was I high school, no-one else has even had a chance to “abuse” her. But yet again, it’s all more proof I’m not evil, and more justification for why I feel the way I do.
All I can say on the matter though, is, I’ll never be brought down by people like this. I have my own flat, friends, family, a great foster Mum, lovely things and a steady income. I do well at providing for myself with no support from my family. I’m independent, and I’m only 19. Which is more than the person dragging me down can say.
Until next time;