I thought today I’d get something off my chest, something I rarely talk about yet bothers me every second, of everyday. My Dad’s Girlfriend (GF) had such a huge part to play in how things went so wrong, and yet to this day I’m referred to as a narcissist and just generally a terrible person. I’m sure this happens to many people every single day, and I’m sure many of you will relate, so here I am sharing the story of the evil stepmother.
CW: mentions abuse loosely, refers to various mental health issues and some of the symptoms (both true and false) associated. No GC.
As mentioned in ‘A quick “How Do You Do?” Myself and GF have had a really rocky relationship for years and years, which lead to the breakdown in relationship with my Dad and I. 3 years ago I was removed from the family home, and ever since have had next no contact with them. Some how though, I seem to be the topic of conversation a lot between GF and her social media ‘crew’ (because who needs real friends right?) and the one to blame for incidents I’ve not been around for. 3 years, no contact, yet somehow everything is always my fault still? Seems logical. So I thought I’d make this into a little game of true and false, let’s play.
1. On April 1st 2014, my Dad broke my nose, because I’d tried to talk to him, and was told every single time I speak, I’m attention seeking. I played up the role, and antagonised him by squealing at the TV, he said something very nasty, so I threw a sausage roll at him. He then followed me into the kitchen, and punched me in the face 4/5 times. I called the police who took him into custody, and from then on social services didn’t deem it safe for me to return the family home.
On April 1st 2014, I was removed from the family home for causing trouble.
2. For 4 years I was physically, and emotionally abused. I was told things like ‘I should drown myself in the bath because I’m a psychopath like my [late] Mum’, and if I tried to be a part of the family conversations I’d be told ‘We weren’t speaking to you’. I would be chastised for having the radio on in my room if the noise could be heard when people came up to use the toilet even if it couldn’t be heard downstairs. I was told off for moving people’s washing into the dryer, or doing the dishes, or for not knowing someone was planning on having a bath when I got in one. When GF was present if I chose to sit downstairs I’d be made to feel awkward, GF wouldn’t speak to me the whole time, if I was allowed to be a part of the family she’d go upstairs and sulk, creating a massive issue from it. I was too scared to ask my Dad buy me bras so I’d steal GF’s and rather than understanding she cut up my knickers, then deny all knowledge. She’d go searching through my belongings to see if she could find anything of interest, with no suspicions, just being nosey. My things would go missing, and I’d be told no-one knew where they’d gone. I was allowed to go out with them on family days out, I had to stay at home. One time I got pushed into the wines at Tesco by my Dad and left there, they drove home, leaving me there. I protected my Dad from the police on two previous occasions and lied to social services every time. I was bullied for my appearance. I wasn’t allowed friends, I had to babysit and even when I wasn’t I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.
For four years I subjected my Dad and his gf to emotional and psychological abuse. I was the child of Satan, and I did everything in my power to manipulate them and the people around me to believe I was the victim, despite the horrific ordeal I put them through. They repeatedly tried to reach out and support me but I ruined every act of kindness that came my way from them. By putting GF’s laundry in the dryer I was antagonising them, the same goes for every incident above.
3. On the day I left the family home I had told the police I wanted to press charges as I was hurt and angry. After 2 months residing at my Aunt’s I told the police that pressing charges wasn’t worth it, it was risking my Dad’s freedom which meant it was possible my brother could end up in foster care. Not only this, but my brother who was 11/12 at the time would have to give evidence in court. I tried my hardest to drop the charges but I as told that too much evidence had been gathered to just let it slide at this point. So I continued to share my story, and in my victim’s personal statement told the story of how I had been effected by what had happened to me in order to get justice. I was summoned to court which meant if I didn’t attend I was breaking the law.
On the day I left the family home I had fed the police a load of lies, which they had to follow up because of the magnitude of the claims, but as mentioned earlier they removed me from the house for causing trouble. I pressed charges based on these lies to manipulate the situation more, and to keep up with the facade where I was the victim. I did this to hurt and traumatise my Dad and GF more than ever. I was on a mission to destroy their lives. When we went to court I lied about how my story had effected me, using how they felt to imitate how I should feel.
4. As a result of my past I suffer with EUPD and agoraphobia with panic disorder as diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I suffer daily with panic attacks, sometimes triggered, sometimes not triggered. I struggle to leave the house at all. I experience intense moods which change frequently, which I have no control over. I take medications daily to help me get through life. At one point I self medicated with cannabis, but it was never daily, only when I was very very stressed. I rarely drink due to my Mum’s alcoholism. Sometimes I retaliate to the comments made on social media which can aggravate the situation but I don’t before I act because all I feel is the intense anger and betrayal.
As a result of what I put Dad’s GF through (even though she didn’t go through court with my Dad so just the emotional abuse) she now suffers with PTSD. I don’t retaliate, I cause problems in order to keep control over her, and to manipulate them both. I don’t suffer with mental health problems, I’m simply an abusive narcissistic sociopath. I’m a druggy and an alcoholic. I don’t have any emotions, I am completely empty but will try to imitate other people’s emotions in order to seem normal. I cause trouble wherever I go. Because I cause these problems on social media that must mean I’m every account that adds them that they don’t know, I have hacked GF’s Twitter, I have even made a fake Twitter account of my cousin who is just a toddler.
5. When I speak to my brother which is rare, we talk about how things at college are going, we reminisce about our childhood, I’ll ask how things are at home in terms of ‘is he happy?’.
When I speak to my brother, it is purely to find out information to use against them. I talk about them all the time, insulting and belittling them. I try to manipulate my brother into hating them the way I do.
That’s 5 stories of what’s happened and/ still happens primarily with GF, one true and one false. Can you guess which is which? Of course if GF had her way you’d all be saying option 2 for each number. Option 1 was the truth. Everyday on social media I am reminded that option 2 is what GF, my Dad, my family, and all their friends honestly believe. After everything I went through and still go through everyday, I’ve been labelled as a narcissist which will likely stick for the rest of my life.
But I didn’t write this blog to be about me, or to feel sorry for myself. I wrote this blog because it is so common nowadays for victims of any abuse to be labelled for life as a bad person. Whether it be by one person or by a group of people, there is this perception with some people that means they can’t see the fault in the abuser. You must have asked for it, your dress was too short, you swore once, you had a different opinion. You asked for it. And that males me question how far has society actually come when people see someone who’s been through such an ordeal as a narcissist? Not only is there a stigma around talking about it, there is a stigma around having been through it. Something that was completely out of your control.
If you’re reading this, and you feel like you’ve been through this I’m telling you from my heart; you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t ask for it. Nothing you could have possibly done warranted any form of abuse. You’re always welcome to contact me because you’ll never be alone in being blamed for your abuse, some people will always be blind to the truth.
This blog is a reminder of why if you have been through abuse, or suffer with misunderstood mental illness it. Is so. Important that we stand up and fight together. We must fight the stigma, for our children, and their children, and their children. So should anyone else go through abuse, they are not blamed by their abuser or anyone. Let’s break the stigma together and show those narrow minded idiots who’s really at fault here.